Rebirth of a Salesman
by Clubhouse Treats
Summary: RK is put in charge of advertising the senior committee's upcoming bake sale, but when his methods fail to get results, he is replaced and begins to question his skills as a businessman. Meanwhile, Jaylynn and Anja are under pressure when they stumble upon a bag containing a large sum of money, and try to keep it a secret from everybody.
1. Rebirth of a Salesman Script

_Thank You, Heavenly _

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 2

Airdate: October 12, 2019

"Rebirth of a Salesman"

Special Guest Stars: Kira Kosarin as Lynne

_#TYH805_

SCENE 1

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Study Hall

Seattle, Washington

_The fifth graders have all congregated for another meeting of the senior committee. _

ASHLEY: Alright, everybody, thanks for coming to another meeting of the senior committee.

SANNA: Even though we expect most of you to come.

SPARKY: _*to Buster* _Does she have to say that at every meeting?

BUSTER: You know how people get when they start tasting power. They don't know what's up or down anymore.

SANNA: Since our senior trip is this winter, we need to start thinking of ways to help fund it. Any ideas?

HALLEY: How about we bring back the Penny Harvest? We could make a lot of money off that if the pennies go to us.

_Sparky's left eye begins to twitch._

SPARKY: What's...what's that about the Penny Harvest?

HALLEY: On second thought, we shouldn't try and trigger certain people. Forget my idea.

JAYLYNN: We need to start doing bake sales. It's like a tradition and it's easy money for everybody.

RK: You just want to buy all the dessert you can so no one else can have it.

JAYLYNN: Hey, I'm still paying for it, aren't I?

ASHLEY: I always get sad when you two argue.

SANNA: I think that's a great idea. The only problem is, we need people who can bake and people who can advertise. I can advertise, but I don't want to disgrace you guys by going store-bought.

WADE: Hey RK, advertising would be perfect for you. You know how to sell products.

RK: Really? I don't know, man, I don't think I have the chops.

WADE: How? You always talk about how great you were as the Chocolate King.

RK: That was one of my greatest achievements, but I can't top that. The game's all out of whack now.

ASHLEY: Excuse me, it's rude to have side conversations.

WADE: What if I told you guys I knew somebody who could help get plenty of people interested in a bake sale?

SANNA: That would be great, but who is it?

WADE: They're sitting right next to me.

_The camera pans over to Buster, whose eyes widen as he starts to get excited._

BUSTER: Me? I mean, I'm honored, but...I don't know...

WADE: I was talking about RK.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, I forgot. Buster doesn't know anything about anything.

WADE: It's not like that.

BUSTER: It's _already _like that!

SANNA: RK, you think you can promote the bake sale around here?

ASHLEY: Yeah, what are your qualifications?

RK: Well, a long time ago, I defined my legacy as the Chocolate King. I'm nervous to get back in the game, but I guess I could compete with the big boys if Wade believes in me.

SANNA: You understood anything he said?

ASHLEY: Yeah, at this point, I know the gist of it. Alright, RK, you're our marketing and sales manager.

RK: Wow. I feel like I'm working for Macy's or Foot Locker.

_Beat._

RK: Hey, don't sleep on Foot Locker, guys. They know what they're doing over there.

SCENE 2

The Saleh Household

Interior Frontyard

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn and Anja are watching the stars at night while lying on Anja's front lawn._

JAYLYNN: Come on, man, this is boring. You couldn't have brought me out here to do anything else?

ANJA: Looking at constellations is cool. See, that's the Big Dipper right there. And I'm pretty sure that other one is Alpha Centauri.

JAYLYNN: Really? Because all I see is a husband slapping his wife because there's no dinner.

ANJA: You're making that up.

JAYLYNN: No, I'm serious, look.

_Anja looks in the direction that Jaylynn is pointing. _

ANJA: Wow, that's a hard slap. She doesn't deserve that.

JAYLYNN: See? Even the solar system hates women.

_At that point, it starts becoming windy and Jaylynn ends up getting hit in the face with a strange bag. She immediately gets up in fear._

JAYLYNN: AHHHH, KILL IT, KILL IT! What's that, some kind of super cockroach?!

ANJA: No, bro, it's just a bag.

_Anja feels the bag and her eyes widen. She then opens the bag to reveal several wads of cash._

ANJA: Sweet cinnamon rolls.

JAYLYNN: What happened? Is the cockroach dead?

ANJA: There's no cockroach! But there's money in here.

_Cut to a still image of Jaylynn's open-mouthed, toothless smile._

SCENE 3

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Later on, Jaylynn and Anja are admiring the money on the coffee table._

JAYLYNN: Shit, man, this is how you spend your night.

ANJA: It's official. $1,500 exactly.

JAYLYNN: This is awesomesauce. What we need to do is buy that pool table I always wanted to have. Oh, and I always wanted to go to one of those fancy-ass stores to window shop. The rest of the money, we can just use to toss at each other like some rich bums.

ANJA: Jaylynn, you know we can't keep this money.

JAYLYNN: _Perdóneme_?

_*while packing the money back up* _ANJA: It doesn't belong to us. The right thing to do is pack it up, take it to the police and let them deal with it.

_*while also packing the money back up* _JAYLYNN: Look, Anj, I know you're not from the streets, but cops and money don't mix.

ANJA: You're not from the streets either, stop it. And we don't know where this money came from. What if someone really important lost it?

JAYLYNN: Maybe they didn't want the money. Maybe whoever had the money before us wanted us to have it, and they knew we were out watching stars, so we just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

ANJA: Come on, Jaylynn. You know that's just a bunch of bird murd.

JAYLYNN: I'm just saying...wait, what?

ANJA: I know what I said. Deal with it.

JAYLYNN: Whatever. Look, the cops aren't going to take care of us on this one. They'll thank us for doing a service and won't even give us a reward.

ANJA: What makes you think we deserve a reward?

JAYLYNN: We've had an amazing year? Duh.

ANJA: Bottom line, the money's going back to the person who lost it. We can take it to the precinct tomorrow.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, we could. Or maybe, uh, I don't know, we could...

_Jaylynn swipes the money and runs out of the house, causing Anja to chase after her._

ANJA _(O.S.)_: JAYLYNN!

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The kids are having lunch the next day._

JAYLYNN: And then Anja chased me down the street and took back the money. She moves really fast for someone who doesn't play sports.

WADE: She was right to chase you down. If you guys own someone else's money, you could end up in jail for not reporting it.

JAYLYNN: I have a plan for that. Don't ask, don't tell.

SPARKY: But you already told us everything, which could make us accessories.

JAYLYNN: Well, what if you guys said you had plausible deniability?

BUSTER: Jaylynn, stop dragging us down in your antics. We have other stuff going on.

JAYLYNN: Alright, sorry. All I need to do is convince Anja we really need the money. Then she won't have to tell the cops anything.

SPARKY: We don't want to know more about this!

RK: We'll miss you when they put you in the clinker, Jay. Meanwhile, I have to start my advertising plan. Who wants to help me film a commercial?

WADE: A commercial? For our bake sale?

RK: Yeah. If you want to make an impact, you have to go hard. I'm trying to see if I can get airtime on public television.

BUSTER: Is it public access or public broadcasting?

RK: It's public access, Buster.

BUSTER: Okay, great. Because if you told me PBS would let your commercial on their station, I would have been like, "Pffft, please."

SPARKY: Hey, maybe I can use the commercial to plug my brownies. I've been working on a new recipe that I know can get people through the door.

RK: Sparky, no outside promotion!

SPARKY: The brownies are for the bake sale, genius.

RK: Well, sorry. I didn't catch on fast enough, Einstein.

SCENE 5

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That afternoon, Anja is doing her homework after school when Jaylynn walks in._

ANJA: Oh, hey Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: You already took the money down to the precinct, didn't you?

ANJA: No. Why would I do it without you? We found the money together.

JAYLYNN: Great. Since the money's still here, and we can turn it in whenever we want, I was thinking...

ANJA: For the last time, we're not keeping the money.

JAYLYNN: Look, I get it. In your mind, there's no good reason for us to keep the money. Which is why I ran down all the reasons on paper.

ANJA: Oh, joy.

_Jaylynn hands Anja the paper._

ANJA: "Reasons You and I Should Keep the $1,500, by Jaylynn Hernandez." Nice intro.

JAYLYNN: Thanks.

ANJA: "Reason #1: What the cops don't know won't hurt them." Are you kidding me?

JAYLYNN: It's valid. Keep going.

ANJA: "Reason #2: For many years, the two of us have been disenfranchised as young minority women. Keeping the money will help us get back at society and its racism." Okay, I kinda get that.

JAYLYNN: Just wait until you read the closer.

ANJA: "Reason #3: What the cops don't know won't hurt them." How is that your closer?

JAYLYNN: That was for emphasis. Go to Reason #4.

ANJA: Okay. "Reason #4: I'll buy you something really cute." You mean it?

JAYLYNN: Is my hair red?

ANJA: I don't know, Jaylynn. Do you really think we should keep the money and not tell the police?

JAYLYNN: I really do. Besides, if someone's looking for the money, they'll try to find it. We'll hold on to the cash for a while, and if we don't hear anything, then it's ours.

ANJA: Wouldn't that be the exact same scenario if we took it to the cops?

JAYLYNN: No, because then, people would know about it. We don't tell anyone about this until we know nobody's coming for the money.

ANJA: Alright, we can keep the money. But the minute anybody tries looking for it, we're giving it right back to them.

JAYLYNN: Fair enough. See, sweetie, your auntie Jaylynn has a reason for everything she does.

ANJA: I already said we could keep the money. Don't make it weird.

SCENE 6

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Sparky is using a mixing bowl to stir the batter for his brownie recipe. He smells the batter and has a sigh of relief._

SPARKY: Yeah, that's it. Hey Bitch Clock, get in here!

_Bitch Clock runs into the kitchen from the living room._

BITCH CLOCK: Look, I know it looks bad, but Buster probably did it.

SPARKY: We'll talk about the crock pot later, but right now, I need you to taste this.

BITCH CLOCK: Last time someone told me that, I woke up getting stroked by some Puerto Rican guy in the bathroom.

SPARKY: Uh...

BITCH CLOCK: I know what you're thinking, but it's okay. I beat the shit out of him afterwards.

SPARKY: Sure. Anyway, I'm working on the new recipe for my brownies. I just need some feedback.

BITCH CLOCK: Yeah, I can give it a try.

_Sparky hands Bitch Clock the spoon and he starts licking the batter._

BITCH CLOCK: My God, this is amazing.

SPARKY: You think so?

BITCH CLOCK: Are you kidding me? This is like having a cigarette after sex, it's a food orgasm.

SPARKY: I knew it. This will definitely be a hit at the bake sale.

BITCH CLOCK: You're slinging brownies like these at some lame-ass bake sale?!

SPARKY: Yeah, it's for the senior committee. RK's shooting a commercial tomorrow to promote it and I need to make sure my recipe is camera ready.

BITCH CLOCK: You know, my crew can hold it down for you if you need some quick cash. We had to fall back after the Popeyes fiasco, but this would be great community service.

SPARKY: Speaking of that, you never told me how you were able to avoid going to jail.

BITCH CLOCK: Remember all those times I told you I wasn't going back?

SPARKY: Yeah?

BITCH CLOCK: That's all you need to know. By the way, we might need to send some flowers to a couple cops' families.

_Sparky's eyes widen and he stares at the camera with concern._

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, RK has begun production for his bake sale commercial. Buster and Wade are wiping their faces with paper towel as RK sets up his camera and Sparky makes sure his brownies are cool enough._

WADE: I still don't know why we have to clean our faces just for this commercial.

BUSTER: Yeah. Are you trying to call us ugly?

RK: No, but I don't have a makeup person on board so this will have to do. Alright, I think that's enough wiping.

_Buster and Wade put their paper towels on the table. RK groans and throws them away._

RK: Okay, boys, it's time. Phase one of my marketing strategy.

SPARKY: I thought Jaylynn was supposed to be here.

RK: I thought so too, but she cancelled at the last minute. Between this and her illegal activities, I don't even know that girl anymore.

BUSTER: Is this...is this part of the commercial?

_Wade gives Buster a bored look. RK begins setting up the shot on his camera._

RK: Okay, boys, exactly as we rehearsed. Rolling, speed. And...action!

_Cut to the camera filming Buster and Wade._

BUSTER: Gee whiz, I'm hungry. My sweet tooth is starting to yearn.

WADE: So is mine. But where are we going to find delicious desserts at reputable prices?

_Sparky walks to the table with his tray of brownies. _

SPARKY: Say no more, boys. Ever heard of the iCarly Elementary senior committee bake sale?

BUSTER AND WADE: Brownies!

SPARKY: I was asking you guys a question. What are you doing?

_RK walks into the shot wearing glasses and a blazer._

RK: Has this ever happened to you? If you're watching this, you probably think I'm a doctor. If you do, then I've already earned your trust. Come down to the iCarly Elementary bake sale...

BUSTER: You forgot to say "senior committee."

RK: Buster!

_RK goes back to the camera and stops filming._

RK: We could have gotten this in just one take. Now, we have to pay for reshoots.

WADE: What are you talking about? You don't even have a budget.

RK: I'm just trying to get into the directorial spirit. Indulge me, why don't ya?

SPARKY: RK, no offense, but I'm not really feeling the script.

BUSTER: Yeah, it's kinda cheesy. And not in the good way like extra cheese on your Papa John's.

RK: Studies show that more people respond to corny commercials. It helps them remember better.

WADE: That might be true, but I think we were all expecting something looser. Maybe we can improvise.

RK: No. No improv at all. It has to be as close to the original vision as possible.

SPARKY: In that case, should I sound more like a dork when I say my lines?

RK: No, but now that I think about it, your performance could use a little more urgency.

SPARKY: I'll keep that in mind, genius.

RK: Don't patronize me. This is serious work, Einstein.

SPARKY: Well, maybe it requires a more serious script, brainiac.

RK: The script is just fine, Inspector Gadget.

BUSTER: What kind of insults are these?

SCENE 8

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, RK is editing his commercial on his laptop while KG is watching TV._

KG: So, uh...how was school?

_RK coughs twice._

KG: I don't follow you.

RK: It was fine, brother. I have a code. One cough means school was great, two coughs is fine, and three coughs is awful.

KG: You've never used that code before!

RK: I'm trying to see how it takes. But I can't talk now. I need to get this commercial done so I can send it to the public access guys.

KG: A commercial? For what? Are you promoting that stupid board game again?

RK: No, remember? Nobody understood the rules. This is for the bake sale the senior committee has coming up. They put me in charge of advertising and I can't let them down.

KG: You think one commercial on a public access channel is going to be enough?

RK: Of course not, this is just phase one. I have a newspaper ad planned, door-to-door engagements, and a special meet and greet at an undisclosed location.

KG: It better not be our house.

RK: Can't say. That's why it's undisclosed.

KG: Well, I wish you and your friends luck. Those bake sales don't make the same money they used to.

RK: We'll be fine. As long as my plans go smoothly, nothing will get in our way.

SCENE 9

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That same night, Sparky and Halley are hanging out while eating the brownies._

SPARKY: I don't know, Halley. RK's motivated, but I don't think his methods are gonna work.

HALLEY: Well, that commercial should help, right?

SPARKY: It took nine retakes and 15 script changes. I don't think that's a good sign.

HALLEY: You know RK. Whenever he gets a plan in his head, he can't stop until he finishes it.

SPARKY: I just wish there was a simpler way to get people to come to the bake sale.

HALLEY: Well, you could start by handing out free samples of these brownies. Oh, and maybe a Facebook page that promotes the bake sale so everyone can see it. Probably even put up some fliers in places where a lot of adults go.

SPARKY: Are you working for another school and not telling anyone?

HALLEY: No, man, it's just stuff I thought of. I just didn't think RK would want to use any of it.

SPARKY: Maybe we can use it. Why don't we do our own advertising and help take some of the pressure off RK? That way, if things don't go well for him, he won't have to worry so much.

HALLEY: I don't think RK's going to like us advertising without him.

SPARKY: That's why we keep it on the down low. Besides, we have to do something. I'm not having our senior trip be at Domino's or some old, dusty mini golf course.

HALLEY: If the golf course isn't old or dusty, can we go to it?

_Sparky gives Halley a blank expression. _

HALLEY: Hey, I like mini golf. At least consider it.

SCENE 10

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, Jaylynn comes over while Anja is watching TV._

JAYLYNN: Hey.

ANJA: Hey.

JAYLYNN: So, how's the money doing? Is it safe? Is it eating enough?

ANJA: It's in the same shoebox under my bed that it was in yesterday. Not breathing or doing anything a human would do.

JAYLYNN: Would it kill you to play along?

ANJA: It really would.

JAYLYNN: You know, Anj, you've done a great job of keeping the money safe, but maybe it would be cool if I took care of it tonight.

ANJA: You don't trust me, do you?

JAYLYNN: Hey, I didn't say anything. But maybe you've been, uh, talking to some blue suits for a price.

ANJA: I would never sell you out to the cops. We're in this together. How do I know you wouldn't just take the money and blow through it like some white girl on a shopping spree?

JAYLYNN: Because I have way more flavor than white girls on shopping sprees. You know what? Since we don't trust each other, maybe I could stay here for the night and make sure that we're both doing what we're supposed to do.

ANJA: I don't have a problem with that. As long as you don't have a problem with Lynne being here.

JAYLYNN: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

ANJA: What can I say? We're having a sleepover.

JAYLYNN: She can't do that with her lame-ass friends?

ANJA: No, she says that Melissa always acts weird at night.

JAYLYNN: I don't give a f*** about any of their names, but I'll make sure I'm out before she's here. You just make sure you keep Lynne at arm's length. We don't need anybody finding out about this, especially her.

ANJA: Sure. As long as you make sure the guys don't tell anyone.

_Beat._

ANJA: Yeah, like you didn't tell them about the money.

JAYLYNN: Um...hey, is that Malala?

_Without turning away an inch, a bored Anja watches Jaylynn try to run out of the house and trip over the threshold. Jaylynn screams in pain._

JAYLYNN: Damn this house.

_Jaylynn crawls away from the house and closes the door. Anja watches everything with her bored expression._

SCENE 11

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Anja and Lynne are in their sleeping bags on the living room floor._

ANJA: Is there a reason why we're not just sleeping in our rooms? Your old room is still the same.

LYNNE: There's nothing fun about that. Slumber party rules state that you have to sleep on the floor.

ANJA: Slumber party rules?

LYNNE: It's a real thing, go on Wikipedia. Oh no.

ANJA: What?

LYNNE: I think all those Cokes are starting to catch up with me.

ANJA: See, I told you to be careful with diuretics.

LYNNE: Hey, I heard you when you said that. I just didn't listen. I'll be back.

ANJA: Don't be too long.

_Lynne gets out of her sleeping bag and runs upstairs. Dissolve into later on with the caption reading "Ten Minutes Later." Anja is confused waiting for Lynne._

ANJA: How much Coke did she drink? I really need to check in on her more.

_Anja's phone starts ringing. She looks at the caller I.D., sighs, and picks up._

ANJA: What's going down, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN _(V.O.)_: Did that snake steal the money? You want me to handle it?

ANJA: Nothing happened, you goofball. She just went to the bathroom.

JAYLYNN _(V.O.)_: Just went, or "she went a half hour ago and now, she's snooping" went?

ANJA: She would never go in my room and snoop. Why?

JAYLYNN _(V.O.)_: To be a sociopath. I'm telling you, I figured out the truth about her years ago, but you're still catching up.

ANJA: Whatever. Look, I'm keeping Lynne at arm's length like you said. She doesn't know anything, and I haven't said anything.

_Anja has a weird look on her face, then turns around to see Lynne holding the shoebox. Her mouth is agape._

JAYLYNN _(V.O.)_: Anja? Are you okay?

ANJA: Yeah, I'm fine. Look, I'm kinda wiped. I'll call you tomorrow.

JAYLYNN _(V.O.)_: Alright. Peace.

ANJA: Peace.

_Anja hangs up the phone slowly._

LYNNE: Yeah, just so you know, I can explain.

ANJA: Lynne, what the heck were you doing going through my stuff?!

LYNNE: I can explain! Look, remember when we lived together and you always used to keep extra gum in this shoebox under your bed?

ANJA: Yeah.

LYNNE: Well, one thing led to another and...

ANJA: Yeah, I got it after your first question.

LYNNE: How did you get your hands on $1,500 anyway?

ANJA: It just happened out of the blue. The bag literally hit Jaylynn in the face and we had no idea where it came from. I wanted to turn it in to the cops, but she wanted us to keep it.

LYNNE: Why am I not surprised? But as dumb as she is, she made the right choice. The minute the police get their hands on this, you're never seeing it again. It's like winning the lottery and wearing the ticket on your forehead.

ANJA: So you're not going to tell anybody?

LYNNE: Hell no. I'm not a snitch. I would just need a small cut of the money to keep me from talking.

ANJA: A small cut?

LYNNE: Yeah, like $500. Seems fair.

ANJA: Jaylynn will never agree to that.

LYNNE: Well, she's gonna agree if she wants me to keep this a secret. Or eIse I'll tell the police everything.

ANJA: You would really send me to jail over $500?!

LYNNE: Relax, I won't mention your name. I'll pin the whole thing on Jaylynn and you and I can get away scot-free.

ANJA: No one's pinning anything on anyone. But fine. We'll cut you in on the money.

LYNNE: Yes! This is the best slumber party I've ever been to.

ANJA: But as far as Jaylynn knows, I didn't tell you anything. You found out all on your own. I have plausible deniability!

LYNNE: Shit, man, you're acting like she'll kill us both when she finds out.

SCENE 12

_("Last Time That I Checc'd" by Nipsey Hussle featuring YG plays in the background)_

_In the montage, while RK has fully implemented the many phases of his business model, Sparky and Halley have started their own bake sale advertising on the side. However, both sides have vastly different results. RK hands in the final copy of his commercial to the local public access channel, and it ends up airing for the first time at 3:34 in the morning. The commercial airs a few more times, and is then pulled after mostly negative reviews. RK's newspaper ad has similar problems as well, being reduced to a small blurb in the leisure section. Meanwhile, Sparky and Halley hand out free samples of the brownies to people at places like grocery stores, pharmacies, and nail salons. Their Facebook page also gets a boost when they pay for it to advertise itself, attracting people throughout the Northwest. RK tries to go door-to-door for promotion, but many of the houses he hits have already been approached by students from other schools for their own bake sales. At one point, RK sees a boy approach the same house he's going to, and they engage in a fight that ends in the boy kicking RK in the groin and going to the house himself. _

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Study Hall

Seattle, Washington

_One day, the senior committee is having another meeting._

BUSTER: Hey Sparky, I wanna enter the bake sale too. You think you could help me with my recipe?

SPARKY: Sure, buddy. What are you trying to make?

BUSTER: I want to make some glazed donuts. But _healthy_ glazed donuts. I don't want to contribute to kids getting fat.

ASHLEY: Okay, everyone, thanks for coming. So far, the buzz for our bake sale has been crazy. Everybody's talking about it. I don't know how you did it, RK, but great job with the advertising.

SANNA: Yeah, what's your secret?

_Cut to a shot of RK's forehead._

RK'S BRAIN _(V.O.)_: They know you didn't do shit. Just play along.

_Pan down to a shot of RK's entire face. _

RK: Well, you know, it was a grind. I really had to pound the pavement, but it was worth it.

SANNA: Sure, but how were you able to pull it off exactly?

ASHLEY: People can't stop going to that Facebook page.

RK: Facebook page? When did I...

SPARKY: Man, you know how RK is with these things. You don't get to where he is by telling people how the sausage is made.

HALLEY: Alright, I can't do this. The reason the bake sale got so much attention is because of me and Sparky promoting it.

RK: What?!

BUSTER: It's a twist ending!

SANNA: What do you mean, Halley?

HALLEY: I mean, it was my idea to advertise on Facebook and hand out free samples. Sparky was able to help me get everything done, RK had nothing to do with that.

SPARKY: I wouldn't say nothing. RK had his own methods, but people just didn't appreciate them.

ASHLEY: Wait, RK, what did you do to help?

RK: I filmed a spot for public access. That didn't go well. I took out an ad in the newspaper which didn't go well, either. But after my door-to-door engagements, I was able to get three people to say they would show up.

SANNA: Only three people?

RK: The other 64 houses I went to were either not interested or had other schools harassing them. It's all about the process.

ASHLEY: We put you in charge so you could promote the bake sale. Halley shouldn't be doing all the work.

HALLEY: To be fair to RK, he didn't know what we were doing.

JAYLYNN: Wow, there are so many layers to this shit.

RK: Look, guys, I was supposed to step up and I didn't. But I just need more time to get everything in place and then...

SANNA: We can't wait for you to get your shit together. We needed results and since you couldn't get them, someone else did.

RK: So what are you saying?!

SANNA: I'm saying, we can't trust you to do what you said you would. Halley is our new marketing and sales manager.

RK: Oh, so it's like that now, huh? You guys are all staging a coup against me?!

ASHLEY: It's not like that, RK.

RK: It's _already_ like that! If you guys didn't believe in me, you should have just said so.

_RK leaves the study hall._

SPARKY: RK, wait!

_The instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays briefly in the background as Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn leave the meeting to go after RK._

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That afternoon, the kids are watching TV, but RK is still enraged after the events of the meeting._

SPARKY: RK, could you please say something? We need to get past this.

RK: I don't know, let's recap. I lost my job, I was humiliated in front of all the fifth graders, and it turns out that Halley strongarmed me out of my job in some kind of hostile takeover. That's a lot to get past.

JAYLYNN: RK, do you really think that Sparky and Halley tried to get you fired this whole time?

RK: Hey, you never know these days. I've never trusted that girl a day in my life.

SPARKY: Dude, I'm sorry. The pIan was for us to help you out on the side and then have you take credit for it. We didn't want this to happen, I swear on Grandpappy MacDougal's grave.

RK: Wow, seriously? Damn. I'm sorry, Sparks, it's not your fault. It's mine. I should have known I was going to ruin everything.

JAYLYNN: Hey, don't talk like that, Jennings. You're the White Mamba, the one with all those signature moments. You were the Chocolate King.

RK: Yeah, I was. I just don't have it in me anymore to sell things. I'm sorry I let you down, Wade.

WADE: RK, you didn't let me down. You came up short, but you tried. You put more effort in one commercial than you did in years worth of schoolwork. That means something.

BUSTER: Yeah, man. Sometimes, you have to get knocked down. You have to look in the mirror, take a deep breath, and say, "I failed. I ruined everything for everybody. But it's okay, because I'm stronger now."

RK: I've been meaning to say this for months, but sometimes, your advice doesn't sound like advice. It sounds like insults.

BUSTER: Oh my God, really? I never meant to come off like that!

RK: It's cool.

SPARKY: So now, what?

RK: I guess I'm just going to have to realize I fell off as a salesman. My best days are behind me and I need to accept that. By the way, Sparky, no offense, but I kinda feel like punching Halley in the face.

SPARKY: As your friend, I understand, but as Halley's boyfriend, I'd advise you not to say that again.

RK: What if I feel like punching _you_ in the face?

SPARKY: I can live with that.

SCENE 15

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Jaylynn is watching TV when Lynne walks in. They both groan at the sight of each other._

JAYLYNN: How come you're never at your own apartment?

LYNNE: How come you're never at your own house?

JAYLYNN: I asked you first. And I know that nasty smell is coming from you, so you can stay right where you are.

LYNNE: If I were you, I would be a lot nicer unless you want me talking to the cops.

_Jaylynn's eyes widen and she rushes Lynne, then chokes her._

JAYLYNN: What the hell did you just say?!

_Lynne kicks Jaylynn in the leg, then punches her. Jaylynn takes her down and the two trade blows on the floor until Anja comes downstairs to see the fighting._

ANJA: Jaylynn, Lynne, what are you doing?!

_Anja rushes to the girls and immediately breaks up the fight._

ANJA: What the freak is going on here?!

JAYLYNN: How does this idiot know about the money? You told her, didn't you?

ANJA: No, she snooped! She found out everything on her own!

JAYLYNN: Of course. Of course she wouldn't respect someone's privacy.

LYNNE: Yeah, like you were smart enough not to tell your friends about the money.

JAYLYNN: That's unrelated. You're gonna forget what you saw before I make you forget.

LYNNE: Oh, I'm not. You're cutting me in on the money or else, I'll tell the cops everything.

JAYLYNN: What?! You dumb bitch, you're gonna get us all arrested!

ANJA: Jaylynn!

JAYLYNN: I know what I said. Deal with it.

LYNNE: If I go to the cops, only _you're_ getting arrested. I'll snitch on you and make sure me and Anja get immunity.

JAYLYNN: Oh, you better hope you get immunity from this beatdown.

ANJA: Enough! We're not acting like a bunch of babies over some green pieces of paper. Jaylynn, we have no choice. Lynne knows everything, so we have to cut her in.

JAYLYNN: Well, thank you for telling me that now.

ANJA: Don't argue with me! Either we cut her in, or we never see that money again.

JAYLYNN: Ugh. Alright, she can have some of the cheddar, but the rules stay the same. This deal stays between the three of us, and if anybody talks, to anybody about anything, I'll beat the brakes off them so bad, the doctors won't even be able to reconstruct their face. That means you, Lynne.

LYNNE: Your tough guy act is so pathetic now. Hang it up.

_Jaylynn approaches Lynne again, but Anja stops her._

SCENE 16

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, RK is playing with his WWE action figures, specifically Alexa Bliss and Bayley, on the living room floor right behind the couch._

RK: _*imitating Michael Cole* _And now, Bliss...Bliss, off the...Bliss DDT or whatever the f*** it is she does. She goes for the cover. Looking to steal one here. Wait a minute, Bayley! Bayley rolls through with the cover! Bliss is in trouble! Bliss is in trouble! Bayley's done it! Tonight, the SmackDown Women's Champion finally takes out Alexa Bliss!

_At that point, KG walks in from outside and watches RK's playing. RK picks up a Sasha Banks action figure._

RK: _*imitating Michael Cole* _OH MY! IT'S BOSS TIME! Sasha Banks with the steel chair just destroying Alexa! Someone's gotta come out here! And now Bayley joins in! The Boss and Hug Connection just unloading on the Goddess! And you can witness it all on the WWE Network for $9.99!

KG: I thought you said you were going to sell these on Amazon.

RK: And I thought I told you to stop watching me while I play with my toys. Not like I have much else to do.

KG: Well, what happened to your bake sale advertising?

RK: It was a flop. I couldn't cut the mustard, so they replaced me. I'm out, Halley's in.

KG: Damn, Sparky's girlfriend? Was it a conspiracy?

RK: I wish, but no. I'm just not ready to be an entrepreneur. I'm like that old guy from _Death of a Salesman_. I realize I'm a loser, but then, I have to start selling crack to keep the bills paid. And at the end of the book, I get shot to death because I forget all the crack money's on consignment.

KG: I've never read _Death of a Salesman_, but I know you've never read it either. Look, man, you have to pick yourself back up. Dust your shoulders off, find something better to do.

RK: Like what?

KG: I don't know, just something fun. Something to stop you from feeling sorry for yourself. And something better than playing with those wrestling dolls.

RK: You're 15 and you still talk to your old sock puppet from third grade.

KG: Hey, you leave Mr. Crumbs out of this! But seriously, man, you need to get back in the game. Just because Halley stole your job, doesn't mean you can't redeem yourself.

RK: I guess that's true. It's time for me to make my long-awaited comeback. But first, I need to strategize. I'm going to Ike's.

_RK is about to leave the house when he turns around._

RK: By the way, how was my Michael Cole impression?

KG: Oh, it was on point.

RK: That's what I thought.

SCENE 17

_Jaylynn and Anja are walking past Ike's that same afternoon._

ANJA: So, you know, it was probably...

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute, hold the phone. Who the hell is that talking to the cops?

_Cut to a young Muslim girl looking similar to Lynne having a conversation with two policemen. _

ANJA: Um, Jaylynn...

JAYLYNN: I knew it! I knew she was trying to run game on us! That punk ass rat...

ANJA: Jaylynn, that's not Lynne. She just looks like her.

JAYLYNN: Wait, for real? Wow. The resemblance is wicked. I was this close to punching her in the face.

_RK walks up to the girls._

RK: Wait, who's getting punched in the face?

JAYLYNN: Oh, what's up, RK?

ANJA: Hey RK, I heard about what happened. Sorry you lost your job.

RK: It's alright. I just don't think I was meant to work in business.

ANJA: That's not true. Weren't you Doctor Sweet Tooth back in the day?

RK: Yeah, Anja, I was exactly the thing that you said.

JAYLYNN: He was the Chocolate King.

ANJA: Oh. Crazy times. But RK, if you really want to start advertising again, maybe you just need to update your style. That's how you evolve.

_Anja pulls out a business card from her pocket and gives it to RK._

ANJA: There you go.

RK: "Tomorrow's Advertisers Today." What the hell is this?

ANJA: It's a business class at the community center. It helps advertisers in training prepare for the 2020s with brand new marketing techniques.

RK: And you just happened to have this on you?

ANJA: I keep my ear to the streets, man. Poetry class won't be fun forever.

JAYLYNN: Looks like there's a meeting tonight. You should go, RK, it'll help you get your confidence back.

RK: You're right, Jaylynn. Willy Loman might have never learned new tricks, but I can.

ANJA: What credit do I get for giving you the card?

RK: I could hug you.

ANJA: Nah, I don't need that kind of credit.

SCENE 18

Northgate Community Center

Interior Business Class Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, the "Tomorrow's Advertisers Today" professor has already started the meeting, using visual aids from a Powerpoint presentation._

JOSH: If you can believe it, you can achieve it. Middle America has been systematically wiped out for years because big business wants all the money for themselves. Now, we tell the bastards "enough" and run their pockets until we say when.

_RK walks in at that point._

RK: Good evening, ladies and gents. Sorry I came late, I was referred at the last minute by a mutual friend.

JOSH: That's just fine. You coming here is a very important first step.

MICHAEL: Are you kidding me, Josh? He's a little kid!

JOSH: Michael, your wife left you. We all have reasons for being here, now, calm down. New recruit, how would you like to introduce yourself?

RK: Um, my name is RK Jennings. There was a time where I could promote anything. I could sell Raid to an ant, and not even a clinically depressed ant. But lately, I've been outshined by competition and I want to get my edge back.

JOSH: Well, RK, this is where your life changes. This is where you become an advertiser for the 2020s and beyond. You have to invest in the proper module. Avoid instructability politics.

RK: Why are you coming up with catchphrases? I have a real problem here.

JOSH: Exactly. RK, these aren't catchphrases, they're mission statements. They uplift you from your problems. Look, every advertiser speaks a certain language, right? This is something the average person can't understand. That's why so many advertisers are misunderstood.

SHAUNA: Is this like slang?

JOSH: Maybe, but I'm just trying to get a point across. See, guys, in order to find a new market, you have to take control of the conversation. Make people want to listen to you. Look at me. When I was in college, I was broke, shy, and I let everybody walk all over me. I couldn't leave an impression on anybody. But I made myself think that for years, so I never tried going for more. Now, I'm trying to make you guys want more.

RK: But what if we're just past our prime?

JOSH: Dude, aren't you in second grade or something?

RK: Fifth grade, and you still haven't answered my question.

JOSH: No, you're not past your prime. There's no such thing. Your life just needs reinvention. See, I don't focus on what I did wrong in the past. I make moves in the present, and strategize for the future. I keep going for the next big accomplishment. And that's what you need to do. Make some moves of your own.

RK: It makes so much sense now. Make some moves, of course!

SCENE 19

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_The next day at school, RK is singing the praises of Josh._

RK: It was crazy. All of a sudden, the advertising game made sense again. Josh actually knew what he was talking about. I bet he went to a really fancy community college.

WADE: So some guy you've never heard of comes in spewing empty catchphrases, using carefully crafted language and you think you can trust him?

RK: Ah, Wade, stop trying to use instructability politics. This is serious.

WADE: What?

SPARKY: Let me see if I can Google this guy. What's his name?

RK: Joshua "Josh" Brantley. His friends also call him "J.B. Stack That Bread," but he told us never to refer to him by that.

JAYLYNN: So, what does this mean, RK? You're going to help sell some treats at the bake sale?

RK: Hell yeah. Thanks to Josh, I have my mojo back. Nothing can stop me now.

SPARKY: Yup, turns out your new mentor is a fraud.

RK: F*** that bake sale. I bet Halley can handle everything.

SPARKY: According to this article, Josh has been accused of false advertising, charming his way into people's money through well-placed compliments, and stealing his tactics from entrepreneurs on YouTube.

JAYLYNN: Wow, what a loser. No wonder Northgate hired him.

SPARKY: Wait, it gets worse. Apparently, he's also delusional. He claims his grandfather was ripped off for the slogan that eventually became "Beef. It's what's for dinner."

WADE: What did his grandfather come up with?

SPARKY: "Ice cream. It's what's for dessert."

BUSTER: You know, they shouldn't call him J.B. Stack That Bread. It should be J.B. Spreads Those Lies.

RK: You're telling me. I bet the only bread that asshole stacks is whole wheat. This is terrible. I finally get an advertising guru that brings me back from the dead, and now, I'm right where I'm started.

WADE: Alright, I've heard enough. RK, you failed. You can't change that. But you can get back out there and make things right by showing everybody what you can do.

RK: Yeah, like I can just...

_Wade slaps RK in the face and starts shaking him._

WADE: Listen to what I'm saying, child! You've always been the kind of person to never give up when things seem impossible. You always had some off-kilter scheme to get you through any problem. You didn't just lay back and let everybody else outshine you. I want my best friend back, man. I hate it when you don't believe in yourself.

_Wade leaves at that point._

SPARKY: He has a point, RK. So what are you going to do next?

RK: I think I'm going to murder everybody at that bake sale...in the metaphorical, competitive sense.

JAYLYNN: We got it.

RK: Get ready, guys. RK Jennings is making the comeback of a lifetime.

BUSTER: Wait a minute. Ice cream, it's what's for dessert? What if I want something else for dessert? Who's going to stop me, huh?

SCENE 20

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_After school, Jaylynn and the Saleh sisters are watching TV together. None of them look happy._

LYNNE: I'm going to say it: Lately, we've been around each other way too much.

ANJA: Look, none of us trust each other, okay? At least if we're in the same place, we can keep an eye on each other more.

LYNNE: The money's in your bedroom. If I go home, what's going to happen, it'll follow me there?

JAYLYNN: No. But you could just be running a scheme without us knowing.

LYNNE: I don't like how you accuse me of stuff like that.

JAYLYNN: Because you're the most disgusting person alive. How is that a surprise?

LYNNE: Maybe instead of coming up with accusations, you make sure that I don't catch on to your own scheme.

ANJA: What scheme?

JAYLYNN: And the bitch was just talking about accusations.

LYNNE: It's obvious. Jaylynn's secretly planning to take all the money, and we're just going to be sitting here like idiots while she runs away to Anguilla or Puerto Rico or wherever the hell she comes from.

JAYLYNN: I'm from the Dominican Republic, you idiot. And if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're not only running a scheme, but Anja's in on it too.

ANJA: I'm not in on anything!

JAYLYNN: Good girls always go bad, Anj. It's too simple. You not wanting to keep the money, putting it on lockdown here, bringing in Lynne to give her a cut. It's the perfect heel turn.

ANJA: If you really think I would conspire against you, you don't know me at all.

LYNNE: Nice innocent act, sis. Admit it, you're up to something. Maybe you're not turning on Jaylynn, but you're damn sure turning on me.

ANJA: You seem to love stirring the pot, Lynne. I thought those anger management classes were supposed to stop you from being a brat.

LYNNE: I can't believe you're throwing that shit in my face.

ANJA: Hey, when we remember why you're in those classes, it's pretty easy to bring up.

_At that point, Anja and Lynne start arguing and their dialogue becomes incomprehensible to the audience. Jaylynn realizes the awkwardness of the situation and slowly gets up from the couch, then walks backwardly, opens the front door, and leaves the house. Anja and Lynne never notice Jaylynn's departure. _

SCENE 21

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_It is finally time for the bake sale, and everybody is busy trying to serve the large crowd of customers. Principal MacGregor and Karen are watching everything from their office._

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: This is beautiful. So many people here to support the community. And they didn't even have to lace the dessert with drugs.

KAREN: Sir, I highly doubt any children would put drugs into food.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: No, of course not. I'm sure that one week at summer camp in '72 just never happened.

KAREN: Pardon me?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Nothing.

_Cut to Sparky and Halley at Sparky's brownie stand._

HALLEY: You know, I think we might have tried too hard to get people to come.

SPARKY: I don't think so. We had to find people. How else would they get to feel like having a cigarette after sex?

HALLEY: What?

SPARKY: Bitch Clock.

HALLEY: That's what I thought.

_Cut to R__K, Wade, and Jaylynn watching everything from their own area, away from the crowd._

JAYLYNN: Man, these lines are ridiculous. Too bad you can't sell anything, RK.

RK: No, it's not. It's just one opportunity that I can't take. All that means is I can just take another one.

JAYLYNN: I'm not following.

RK: You will soon. Watch and take accurate notes.

_RK pulls out a sign that says "Bake Sale Directory" and walks into the crowd._

JAYLYNN: What's he doing?

WADE: Looks like another RK Jennings signature moment.

_RK then wraps a whistle around his neck to get the crowd's attention. He blows it, and a silence follows._

RK: Thank you, everybody. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we have a lot of hungry, paying customers today. If we get more organized, this will go a lot faster.

_Cut to Sanna and Ashley at their own stand._

SANNA: What's he doing?

ASHLEY: Man, just have a little faith in him.

SANNA: A while ago, _you _didn't have faith in him!

_Beat._

ASHLEY: I could change my mind, though.

_Cut back to RK._

RK: Alright, everybody, I need a single file line. Come on now, everybody needs to keep it moving. Walk with purpose, make moves. See, over here is where you can have a chance to taste Sparky's delicious brownies. The secret is he puts every ounce of effort into each brownie he makes. I don't know the real secret, so don't ask me. Over here, I see Buster has his own concoction of glazed donuts. You're going to love it, it's diabetic-friendly and they taste even better than the ones at the Zippy Mart. Who gives a crap about factory-made dessert, am I right?

_The customers all laugh at RK's comment._

RK: Don't worry, there are some other great treats here. You come this way, Sanna and Ashley have brought back their world famous cupcakes for just one day, so get them while the frosting hasn't had time to congeal. There are cinnamon buns, chocolate chip cookies, even some orange cheesecake for the daredevils. Let's make this bake sale mean something and that's an order! Buy, buy, buy!

_Everybody cheers and claps as they stand in line, which now stretches all the way to the outside of the school._

SCENE 22

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_RK is at his locker later on when he is approached by Sanna, Ashley, and Halley._

RK: Look, if you guys are going to kill me, please make it fast. I don't need all the preparation.

SANNA: No, we're here to thank you. You saved us with what you did today. You helped the crowd move faster.

ASHLEY: Yeah, how did you think of that anyway?

RK: Well, I knew there would be a lot of people so I made sure I had it set up just in case. I think I made a mistake hyping up the orange cheesecake. It tasted like death.

HALLEY: RK, I'm really sorry for everything that happened. I never meant to take your job.

RK: Eh, that's okay. I realized that after all that time feeling sorry for myself and whining, I still had what it takes. I just needed to believe in myself again.

SANNA: You know, the bake sale's all week. You think you can do this hosting thing a couple more times?

RK: Sure, I'd love to. I can see it now. RK Jennings, master of ceremonies.

ASHLEY: By the way, if it means anything, a few people actually came here because of that commercial.

RK: That piece of shit? They watched it?

HALLEY: Yeah, they thought it was so weird, they had to see what the big deal was. Looks like you were working harder than we thought.

_Sanna, Ashley, and Halley walk away from RK._

RK: You made a comeback, RK. You might not be a master salesman, but at least you didn't get shot for selling crack.

_RK turns around when he sees a bunch of random girls staring at him after his comments._

RK: What are you gawking at? It's a metaphor!

_Cut to black._

_("Encore" by Jay-Z plays over the end credits)_

_EPILOGUE_

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn is watching TV when Anja and Lynne walk in, enraged._

ANJA: What did you do with the money, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: I don't know what you're talking about.

LYNNE: You have five seconds to admit you spent it all before I slap your ass back to Barbados!

JAYLYNN: _Republica Dominicana_, _imbécil_. And I didn't spend the money. I did the right thing and took it to the police.

LYNNE: I think I'm gonna be sick.

ANJA: What? I'm confused. You were begging me to keep the money with all your paranoia and articles.

JAYLYNN: I know, but then I realized that it was making us all crazy. Or in Lynne's case, psychotic. No, wait, psychotic is too simple. It was making you...

LYNNE: This story is going to kill me. Speed up.

JAYLYNN: Anyway, I gave the cops your names and addresses, and if nobody claims the money in 60 days, it's ours. And none of us are going to jail.

ANJA: Well, I'm glad you ended it, but why didn't you tell us that before?

JAYLYNN: Because if you guys tried to beat me, I wanted to be home. That way, I could argue it was self-defense.

LYNNE: I guess I can live with that. It's too bad, though. If you didn't turn in the money, I could have turned you and Anja against each other and taken it myself.

_Beat._

ANJA: So you _were _running a scheme!

JAYLYNN: Bitch.

LYNNE: Look, it's over. Nobody cares anymore.

JAYLYNN: I still care. You should run.

LYNNE: You don't scare me, Jaylynn.

_Jaylynn starts getting up, which makes Lynne run for the door. However, similar to what happened to Jaylynn earlier in the episode, Lynne trips over the threshold and falls, then crawls out of the house while Jaylynn and Anja watch her with bored expressions. Cut to black._

©2019 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. Rebirth of a Salesman Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 10/23/19)_

-Earlier this year, I was thinking about having a standalone episode of the show. The episode would serve as a bridge between the seventh and eighth seasons, without belonging to either season. I had plans to release it in the summer, around the time I would have originally started writing for season eight.

-One day, I got off the bus and thought of a concept for a summer episode. It would revolve around a heatwave in Seattle and that would be the catalyst for both plots. I thought of the main plot where RK would begin doubting his advertising skills when his ginger ale stand fails to achieve the popularity of Ashley and Sanna's cherry limeade stand. In the subplot, Jaylynn and Anja would find a fully functional portable air conditioner, and try keeping it a secret from everybody. Lynne would have also been involved by taking a piece of ownership in the air conditioner.

-The episode was called "Chill" (named after the EPMD song of the same name, not to be confused with "You Gots to Chill") and it would be released on July 28. The episode was all ready to go. I had an outline fully written up, there were a couple songs I planned on using ("Chill" was one of them). I started writing the episode in the beginning of July, and got a few scenes done, but I never wrote another scene after that. Then things started falling apart when I realized I wasn't as prepared for season eight as I thought.

-I decided to rework the standalone episode and just turn it into a season eight episode. I still wanted to keep the original plots, but as I procrastinated more, I decided to remove all the summer references/plot points and have the kids be in school for it. Once I decided it would no longer be a standalone episode, it became the second episode of the season. It was originally part of an opening night doubleheader on September 29, then moved to October 6, then finally, October 12. And through all that, "Chill" was transformed into "Rebirth of a Salesman."

-To me, this episode feels like a mini-sequel to season five's "The Little Salesman That Couldn't," which is one of my favorite episodes of the series. In that one, RK is at the top of his game as he uses any method possible to sell chocolate bars door-to-door. It gets to the point where he finishes selling all the chocolate the school gave him, but he wants to continue the job so he buys chocolate from the corner store and sells it independently for his own business. In "Rebirth of a Salesman," RK is hoping to recapture the success he had as the Chocolate King, but he just can't make it work like he used to and begins wondering how good of a businessman he was in the first place. It helps make the story more interesting because RK is in a position of vulnerability, and he doesn't have the quick solution to the problem like he usually does.

-The subplot with Jaylynn, Anja, and Lynne was originally supposed to be longer. I had the idea that Lynne would try driving a wedge between Jaylynn and Anja, causing them to not trust each other and make it easier for her to take the $1,500 for herself. There just wasn't enough time in the episode.

-Technically, this was the fifth episode of season eight that I started writing, but it ended up being finished and revised before the first drafts for #803 and #804 were even completed.

-The episode title is a reference to Arthur Miller's 1949 play _Death of a Salesman_, which RK references in the episode. I was considering writing a scene where RK has a _Death of a Salesman_-inspired nightmare, but it didn't really fit the script so I never went through with it.

-Sparky's reaction towards Halley bringing up the Penny Harvest is a reference to the season two episode "Harvest Week," where Sparky begins to become paranoid that Buster is stealing his pennies. It was stated in the episode that the kid who collected the most pennies would win the top-secret mystery grand prize.

-I was watching a Mr. Enter review a few months ago and he used the phrase "bird murd," something I have never heard before. I thought it would be the perfect thing for Anja to say due to her tendency to not swear.

-Jaylynn references the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, a former United States policy regarding service by LGBT members in the military.

-Buster asking RK if his commercial would be on public access or public television is a reference to last season's "No Taxation Without Retaliation," where he educates RK on the difference between the two. Fun fact: Buster educating RK in that episode was me trying to correct a mistake I made in "The Trouble with Militants" back in season four. Buster went on a public access show called _Let's Talk About It_, but it was incorrectly referred to as public television.

-The running gag of Sparky and RK sarcastically calling each other things like "Einstein" and "brainiac" was inspired by the opening scene of the_ King of Queens_ episode "Fair Game" where Doug and Arthur kept calling each other "Einstein."

-I just wanted to make a funny callback to "Fourth Grade Friday II" to drive home the point that Bitch Clock avoided jail time by killing the cops. Actually, the whole idea of Bitch Clock getting arrested and killing the cops was inspired by the _Power _episode "Friend of the Family," where Kanan did the exact same thing (one of the cops ended up landing a fatal shot on him, though).

-Jaylynn tries to distract Anja by referencing female education activist Malala Yousafzai.

-"Last Time That I Checc'd" was actually one of the songs I always planned on using, back when the episode was still called "Chill."

-Buster's glazed donuts were just something I threw in at the end of the first draft, so when I did the rewrite, I had him talk to Sparky about the donuts to set it up properly.

-Originally, in the scene where Jaylynn and Lynne fight, Jaylynn was a lot more aggressive and hostile. She rushed Lynne by choking her, Lynne responded by saying Jaylynn was hurting her, and Jaylynn sarcastically complimented her for catching on. I changed it to a fight scene to keep Jaylynn from being unlikable and toned her behavior down slightly. It also made Lynne look less like a victim.

-RK playing with WWE action figures was one of the very first scenes I thought of for the episode back in the summer. However, because of Sasha Banks' heel turn upon returning to the company in August, and Bayley's subsequent heel turn a month later, RK's actions in the scene became different. Had the episode come out in July, his playing would have ended with Bayley winning the match and KG walking in.

-Jaylynn and Anja running into RK at Ike's, and Anja giving him the card for the class was a scene meant for the original version of the episode. In that one, Jaylynn and Anja were putting the air conditioner back where they found it because of all the trouble it was causing.

-Josh's role in the original version was bigger. He would have helped RK get his confidence back as a salesman through having him sell a cologne called "Chill." While "Chill" became popular overnight, Ashley and Sanna's cherry limeade stand was crumbling. Eventually, Josh would have been exposed as a fraud, but the techniques he taught RK would have inspired him to help revitalize the cherry limeade stand. Again, there just wasn't enough time in the episode for it.

-Josh's personality was based off of people I've seen advertising themselves on YouTube. The ones who have endless confidence about what they're selling, and talk about how they used to not know what to do about their financial situation before they turned it around. You might have seen them before.

-When Lynne mistakenly thought Jaylynn was from Barbados, Jaylynn corrected her by saying "Dominican Republic, shithead" in Spanish.


End file.
